David breaking up with me literally broke me. I just knew he was the one I would marry. Barely able to see through my tears driving home, I opened the door to my condominium, dropping my purse and keys to the floor once inside, and stumbled over to the couch where I fell into it. I was sobbing from a depths of my soul I never knew existed. The tears streaming down my face were painfully hot. There were times I felt sheer agony and other times complete numbness.
I loved him and was certain he was the man I would marry. To be loved and in a secure marriage was something I’d dreamed about from the time I was very little. My home life as a child was violent, abusive and terribly volitile. I had always believed when I grew up I would get married and then I could satisfy the deep inner longing and finally feel secure.
I don’t know how long I laid there, when I found myself praying. God, Jesus, Father, Heavenly Spirit, if you are real and you love me as the Sunday school teacher told me You do when I went to church as a little girl, then I need you to help me now more than ever. I realize I’ve wanted Jesus to be my Savior to keep me from Hell, while I’ve lived as Lord of my own life. If You will, I want You to take my life and make something good of it because up until now I’ve only proven all I can do is make a mess of it.
Then most unexpectedly I heard the voice of the Lord speak to me. Not audibly but in my spirit and I’ve since taken the time to write it out to share with others. This is what I heard from God that night:
“Pamela, you only understand in part. I brought David into your life, and also took him out of your life to confirm to you that it is not an earthly relationship you deeply long for—you long for Me. You met Me once a long time ago. Don’t you remember? You were very little. You learned about Me from that Sunday school your parents let you attend with the neighbors. Remember? I promised you I would never leave or forsake you. I know you remember. You gave yourself to Me then. But through the years, My heart has been repeatedly rent because you have sought the love you need in many other ways—career, position, material possessions, relationships. Yet, I have kept My promise. Though you have never acknowledged Me in your heart of hearts—you only see Me as Savior for your eternal future—I AM the God of yesterday, today and tomorrow. Now Pamela, I will wait no longer. Today, I have removed from you that which you perceive to be what you deeply long for so that you can finally and abruptly see the truth about who and what you really need.”
My tears stopped flowing. My soul was quieted. I had a profound sense of peace. And the deep inner longing within me was finally and completely satisfied. In awe, I remained motionless, gratefully reflecting on what God had just said to me, pondering and cherishing it, confident in the truth of His words.
I prayed to the Lord again, thanking Him and promising my whole life to Him. Since that night there has never been even a hint of turning back. I was radically changed in that moment and God has been at work within me ever since to continue the transformation. Having found the unfathonable and tremendous love of God the Father, through faith in Jesus, by the power of the Holy Spirit, just as God said, I finally realized who and what I truly needed. There is no earthly love that will ever satisfy us the way the love of the Father does. And as Scriptures reveal, when we seek Him first, He will add all the rest of what we need and desire to us. A few months later David and I met again and we were ultimately married. In April 2021 we will be celebrating thirty-five years of marriage.
In the midst of a crisis we can’t see how God can actually use the crisis to bless us, but He does if we sincerely call out to Him in faith and wait on His perfect plan. Whatever you may be suffering or enduring, I encourage you to seek the Lord in all abandon, willing to surrender yourself completely to Him. I am confident you will immediately sense His love and comfort. Then, in time You will see Him redeem your suffering and turn it into blessings. Beleive this truth as it is a promise revealed by God as we read in Romans 8:28-30 “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified. (ESV)
I hope this testimony encourages you. There is nothing more I want to do than spend my time, talent and treasure helping other people discover and live in the same life-giving truth I’ve been blessed to find. Through my book series and my podcast both titled “Faith to Live By” I endeaver to help you live the victorious life Christ died to give us. Let me hear from you. Let me know if the work I do is helping you, or if there is a particular topic you want me to address. Email me at FaithtoLiveBy@PamelaChristianMinisatries.com. Also, learn about my weekly podcast and choose your listening platform at https://www.FaithToLiveBy.com
